My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
