this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
