it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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