It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
