corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
