Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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