a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
