He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
