was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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