He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
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They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
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Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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