Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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