We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
