I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
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I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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