im having a threesome with these popsicles
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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