He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
