i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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