Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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