I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
