he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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