I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize