It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
