just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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