She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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