3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
