Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
