he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
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Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
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I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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