She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Floor bacon is actually really good
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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