I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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