your thong is hanging out like whoa
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first