for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
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We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
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You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.