Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal