I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
