i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
