Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
