I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
my being single is dangerous.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
