Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
