Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
