you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
