Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
