she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
