There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
