yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
