I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
