She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
