A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
