as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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