Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i wish my penis had a tongue
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
