Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He? As in you personified your dick?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
