using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
