I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
