Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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