I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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