Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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