I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
