You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
