i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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