She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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