what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
