Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
