Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
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Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
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We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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