I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
