We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
