My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
