Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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