So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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