Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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