i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Can I color on your dick again?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize