you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize