I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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