Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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