I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
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I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
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Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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