once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
